bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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