in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
