I am spending my child support on dildos
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
