I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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