be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
