he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
