No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
