Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
