her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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