billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
