Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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