$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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