i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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