she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
