You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
