But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
