i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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