I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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