you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
