I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
