Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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