dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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