Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
