I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
