I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
