just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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