my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
