just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
