Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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