I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
