yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
