I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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