my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
worst night to have a conscience
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
