NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I smell like Dick and happiness
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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