if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
