She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
