Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
