Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
