You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They took my balls.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
