I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
