you win again, gameday.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
