Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
pray to the hookup gods
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
