We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
