from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Green mimosas i think yes
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
