"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
