I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
