Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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