i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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