The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
