I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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