Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
