so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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