there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
