nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
